I had my port taken out a week ago. The stitches are out and my scar is healing nicely. It's funny to think that little device sat in my chest, under my skin, for over a year and a half. It was my connection to the bizarre healing process for cancer. In a nut shell chemotherapy is a form of systemic poisoning. Severe drugs are administered in a controlled manner so they can act as a hurricane sweeping through your system, killing off cells in their path. The goal is kill the cancer; not you. So for most people undergoing chemotherapy, their body is literally pushed to the brink. You are forced to take the lesser of two evils - side effects and damage to other organs and systems in order to avoid death. It is indeed a difficult surreal process. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it was actually me that went through it and it wasn't some crazy dream.
None the less, it is now over for me. I hold on to my little device to remind me of the strength and perseverance I was able to find to weather that long road. It reminds me that my experience with cancer has elevated me to a whole new level of living. You've hear the saying 'some see the cup half empty and some see it half full'. Some would see this port as a symbol of disease and hardship. To me it represents my healing. It served me well as it unobtrusively plugged me into the weird world of treatment. It, the port, being on the outside also represents the fact that I am free to move on...free to dream...free to explore...free to LIVE. This is a very exciting time and I am very grateful.
2 comments:
Hi Jack.
I'm not suprised you see the port as a "positive" as that was how you treated the whole cancer treatment.
For anyone reading these blogs I can attest that Jackie definately practices what she preaches so what you get is a real life experience. We talked about where her carreer as a public speaker will go now after cancer , and since Jackie has taken so much positive out of something which can be perceived as so negative
it is brilliant that she will share this with other patients , it really is the ultimate "Pass it on"
We joked that "You just can't make this shit up" and you cant because it happened and it's real.
I want you to know how PROUD I am of you and how you faced cancer with such calmness and now it is over and the fog is lifting I can see it in your eyes that you are well again.
The best thing you said was "I have cheated death , imagine what else I can do" ! What's to be afraid of?
Jackie did have cancer , cancer didn't have her.!
Keep the blogs coming and I hope everyone gets a chance to read them , they will help everyone put things into perspective.
I will always be in your corner.
Love Jay x
Wow, Jackie, I just came here to your blog and read these two posts from January.
My husband and I had a same but different experience beating his cancer.
It was a lymphoma cancer tumor that ate away most of his L-4 (lumbar vertebra). Added into the chemo/radiation treatment mix was the major back surgery he had before hand, done with 3 incisions during a 6 plus hour operation. First they removed the tumor and some of what was left of his vertebra, then scraped bone off his hips to put in a titanium cage, and finally assembled the whole thing with a lumbar fusion from L-3 to L-5.
Long story short, he can dance as well as ski again (even downhill!). This cancer often ends with the four letter word, C-U-R-E, which we are going for big-time! (more details on Larry's project website www.larryandsheryl.com/13001.html )
Thank you for sharing your story with us - really inspiring and moving!
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