Moving into 2008

So here we are in the New Year. One of my goals was to not over-think or over-react to things but I find myself doing exactly that with this first blog. So I have decided to just start writing and see where it takes me.

I am winding up a difficult 18 month journey dealing with stage II Breast Cancer. I also turned 40 a month ago. Talk about life changing!

After I got over the enormous shock of being diagnosed with the dreadful C, I decided to dive into the process and look for opportunity and growth. I became my own personal study. As I proceed to close the treatment course, I can look back and with pure honesty say it was one of the worst experiences but also best experiences of my life. THE PINK NOTES are a collection of essays that I wrote which allow the reader to get a glimpse of what goes through the mind of a person dealing with cancer treatment. These essays are honest and raw. I wrote about the various experiences from an emotional, physical, and spiritual perspective. With every challenge I faced, I tried to express how I overcame them and more importantly the strength and insight I gained from them. I continue to write them and will share some of these insights through this blog. I hope they serve you well.

My final Hereceptin treatment came right before my 40 birthday. I thought I would be inspired and motivated to get back into shape and do all these wonderful things during the holidays. Instead I found myself feeling numb and exhausted. The adrenaline rush that was silently carrying me through this last 18 months was starting to run dry. As the anxiety of this sense of failure began to kick in, I quickly brought it to a halt. If I have learned anything this last year, it was that you can't rush events that are beyond your control. My mind and body were telling me to rest and recharge. So I decided to listen. I no longer judged my softer body, my short hair that wasn't growing back fast enough and most importantly decided to enjoy this time. I indulged in everything, from good food; good wine; visited new places and most importantly enjoyed my time with family and friends. Giving myself permission to 'just be' was my birthday gift to myself.

So now as I move into 2008, I feel ready to embrace a healthier way of living again. I thank my body for waiting and I promise to fulfill my end of the deal. My goals for 2008 are based on how I want to feel. Those feelings will determine what my life experience is like. I plan to conduct my life and surround myself with what I need to make that desired experience a reality.

I thought I was living in the moment before but one of the gifts Cancer has given me is the ability to experience each moment where every cell in my body is aware. I am excited to see what 2008 brings. Cancer has released the boundaries of how I experience and view the world. My wish to you is that you may begin to intentionally release some of your own.

Give yourself a chance to 'just be',

Jackie